If you are a coach, boss, spouse, friend, family member or human, there has been a time or two when you have been in the position to give feedback, criticism or commentary to someone. No matter how much you would like to mind your own business and stay out of it, your opinion is going to be asked for. You can’t get away from it.
Let’s get really honest here. Shall we?
Sometimes, you don’t mind your own business and you give your opinion when it’s not asked for.
After all, isn’t that mostly what Facebook, Twitter and the rest of social media is all about? People plopping their opinions all over the internet in a free-fall of helpful and not-so-helpful feedback? Think about it, if people stopped sharing their thoughts and feedback on Social Media, the concept would be as deserted as a school hallway on winter break.
The concept of “Mind Your Own Business” in Social Media is null and void. Simply by putting ourselves out there and commenting, we have given unstated permission for people to start commenting and giving their point of view. That’s the game. That is what it is all about.
How is Social Media Different than Aunt Bessie’s Thanksgiving Dinner Table?
What happens when we step off the pages of social media? Are these behaviors being carried out in our real lives too? Do we come armed to the holiday gatherings with our arsenal full of sentences that stars with “If you ask me…“I think you should…” “I always say…” Or the bully version-“If you had any sense at all you would…”
What has happened to our boundaries? How about our manners?
I’ll admit, my social media friends and in-person relationships are filled to the brim with respectful, supportive, kind and funny people who I enjoy spending time with. That’s the way I like it and those who aren’t in the above categories are quietly ushered off to the sidelines with a smile and wish of good will. I simply don’t have the time, desire or inclination to fill my life with well-meaning negativity.
Yet I hear complaints from friends and clients about how So-and-So said this, and that, and really hurt their feelings or made them second guess their own thoughts, path or dreams. Some carelessly tossed comments landed like a grenade and have set them spiraling backward and ducking for cover in both their social media lives and their in person relationships.
Is this happening to you?
Or worse, could you be the one tossing the word grenades without even a clue?
Could I?
Sadly, we probably are and don’t even know it. I know I have tossed my fair share of them in the past. I have a reputation for being blunt and it has been a lifetime learning experience to temper my Bluntness with Grace. I’ve taken many an elbow to the ribs from my adult kids and best friends when I forget too. ( They have permission to remind me.) On this lesson of word grenades, I speak from experience.
The last thing I ever want to do is cause pain with words. As a writer, I know full well the power words have to heal or hurt. I have a mission in my life to use my words to heal. But as a human, sadly, I fail at that mission sometimes.
Sometimes life gives us powerful reminders to pay extra attention to the word grenades we are holding in our hands. We need to be even more careful to look at our words from someone else’s perspective and not our own before flinging those hurtful grenades without a care.
Many of the roles in our lives make it easy to be critical or thoughtless.
Parenting is a difficult job, (I think the hardest) and our words have the power to scar for life and yet, it’s the easiest place to let loose lips fly. This is my most challenging area. And I have learned from personal experience, that self-care is my best defense. I am never at my best when I am overtired, overworked or harried.
Being a boss, we forget that our criticism and harsh commentary shapes an employee’s job satisfaction, their self esteem and ability to move forward. We can say we are offering constructive criticism, but is it always that constructive? Or is it really more destructive?
As coaches and mentors, it’s our place to offer constructive insights, helpful tips and feedback. However, do they leave their time with us feeling energized or beaten down?
How about as friends? Spouses? Family members? Are we as careful as we could be to be sure our words are helpful? Do we take the time to think about if our words are helping or hurting the people we love most?
Words matter. Our opinions matter, our constructive comments, feedback and insights can change a life. But carelessly tossed, they can also harm one too.
Take an extra moment to stop and remember that your words can be a grenade or a healing balm. Which one will you pack when you leave the house?