As a small child, whenever I would get discouraged, I would plop myself down on the floor like a ragdoll and let out a hopeless wail. “I Can’t…..” was my pitiful cry. “I don’t know how, it’s too hard, I’m too tired.”
My mother would turn on a dime, narrow her dark Italian eyes, laser beam them into me and say in a voice as commanding as any Military General, “You CAN and you WILL. HOW does not matter. Now GET UP!”
I got up. Saying No to my mom wasn’t an option.
Quitting has never been an option in our family of scrappy little fighters. It wasn’t allowed. We were taught from the best. My Mother, who raised three of us on her own, learned to take the surprises and situations that came along and wrestled them into the life that she wanted for us. She expected to rise to challenges and goals and she expected no less from us. There were no acceptable excuses. She had an answer for every complaint we could muster up.
We were tired? Everyone gets tired. So what, learn to rest, balance and push through. Being scared didn’t cut it either. Only fools are stupid enough to not be scared. Not having all the answers wasn’t a good enough reason not to start. Only the truly stupid think they are wise, the wise know there is always more yet to learn. In my mother’s world, if you wanted something you had to go for it. If it was right for you and the people you love, then there is no excuse for not doing it.
You CAN and you WILL. And she did. She still does.
It took a long time to learn the third part of my mother’s power. It was a mysterious strength that gave her that indomitable spirit. It kept her strong and unflinching when she left her secure factory job as a single mom with no insurance and took her measly $3000 and risked every dime she had to start her own business. She could have FAILED. We could have lost everything.
But she had one thing in her back pocket that was so powerful that it propelled her forward and would not let her down. She had something that most people didn’t have.
I didn’t understand what that something was at such an early age. She was just my Mom. Maybe I thought that all moms were fierce warriors who went out each day to take on the world.
Later in life, I went into sales. Sales are HARD. Being rejected is hard. Initiating contacts, talking to strangers, making cold calls, learning contract negotiations, managing files, hand holding nervous and temperamental clients is all hard and very stressful. After awhile, I took my sales experience and went into Real Estate. The overwhelming majority of Real Estate agents quit within 3-6 months of getting their license. They say anyone can become a Realtor. It takes a good one to stay one. I decided to stack my odds. I hired the industry’s best Real Estate coach in the business to coach me and teach me the tools I needed to succeed. All that I learned in the six years of being one of the top agents in our company is more than a blog could hold. But one of the major things that I paid good money to learn had been right there at home all my life.
CAN & WILL.
One of my coaches, Beverly Buffini, grew up to be an All-American volleyball player at the University of Tennessee where she was inducted into the Tennessee Hall of Fame in the first class of women ever to achieve that honor. She went on to become a member of the US National Volleyball Team that participated in the 1988 Olympics in Seoul, Korea. She went on to use her skills of discipline, determination, and focus to juggle raising six kids, write books, coach with her husband Brian, and tour as a motivational speaker. I was inspired to hear her speak about Can, Will and Believe.
CAN: to be able mentally or spiritually. She attributes the childhood story The Little Engine That Could with the basis for CAN. Perhaps not too coincidently, that story was one that my mom read to us almost every night. The basis of pushing away negative fears and focusing on the positive is the foundation for any dream to come true.
WILL: is the reinforcement of purpose, drive and discipline necessary to spring CAN into life. WILL is the Action word that makes it happen. Webster’s defines WILL as “a conscious choice and a strong, fixed purpose.” Will is the force and power that propels the can into being.
BELIEVE: to take as true or real, to have confidence in something or someone; to have faith, especially religious faith (Webster). For some of us, myself included, faith of a higher power, a sense of being assisted or directed by a force greater than the sum of your own parts for a purpose greater than your own needs. It is a sense and belief that the outcome has already been achieved and failure is not an option because good will prevail.
I Can, I Will, I Believe
They say you can’t be a prophet in your own backyard. I had to go far away and pay good money to hear what Mom had been saying all along. I had to hear it from a coach to understand that the secret ingredient that made my mother stand so hard and fast is her faith. Belief in a higher power (God), belief that she is doing what is right for her family, belief that if you believe in it, work hard for it, visualize it then you CAN make it happen.
By the way, that’s a far cry from stick it on a poster board, stare at it every day and sit back and wait for it to arrive. That would never be my mother’s style. While those who wait are busy waiting, my mother and her clan are busy doing the WILL (ACTION) part and BELIEVING that with those two together…..why yes…yes you CAN.